During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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