And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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