So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
