This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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