Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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