Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
