your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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