One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
