Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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