oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
