And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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