At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
