he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
