Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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