You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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