My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
