either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
