I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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