My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
