The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
