I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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