I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
two words: eviction party
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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