from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
