I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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