I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he fucked my hip out of place.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
