I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
