every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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