i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize