People in love make me want to vomit
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
