Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
