do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
