I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
