i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
