My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
