last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
