Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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