I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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