i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
