I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
