You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
