sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I will be naked everywhere
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
