I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
