The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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