mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The best revenge is premature balding
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
