"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
