he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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