I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize