this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
