I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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