apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I love you. Go after that dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
