I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
