K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize