how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
