why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.