i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.