life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot