I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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