they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
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I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?