Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
