someone threw a dead crab at me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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