I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
