So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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