Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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