I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
