dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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