I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
