john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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