We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
