if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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