roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
