I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
