What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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